Dating single life and mate selection
Things would threaten to get dangerously too quiet.
It’s an injection of creativity and irreverence (say) that we might need. This mechanism of attraction in love is similar to the mechanism of attraction we may have around styles of architecture and design.
We’re still at the dawn of determining how to get into good relationships. For most of history, relationships were very different in two main ways. They did so for reasons of status, money, household skills and beauty.
We didn’t expect to our partners; we hoped – at best – to tolerate them. Secondly, we didn’t have to find our partners ourselves.
Romanticism’s faith in the power of instinctive attraction has been touching and at points exhilarating, but it has also proved enormously problematic.
In comparison with the hopes we harbour of love, the way most of our lives turn out can appear extremely disappointing.
It is as if, somewhere within us, we recognise this incompleteness and experience an attraction whenever we enter the orbit of someone who possesses a complimentary quality.
We seek – through love – to make good a defect and to complete ourselves.
If we’re to get better at relationships, we must attempt to examine the calls of Romantic love rationally.Then, in the middle of the 18th century in Europe, a revolution of ideas began that has now spread around the world, a movement known to us today as Romanticism.Romanticism declared that the only legitimate foundation for a relationship was an intense bond of love.The idea of following an Instinct took on an enormous role in the story of love.Far from being a passing folly, the feeling of being ‘in love’ was now interpreted as a supremely reliable guide to half a century or more of conjugal happiness.