And experts say the latter can have a big impact on your love life.“Debt has become like the new STD disclosure,” says licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph. “In some cases, it's not going away any time soon.”Of course, navigating the debt talk is a potential minefield.(If that happens, Martinez says you’re better off since someone who judges and breaks up with you over this probably has very different values surrounding money that would have caused issues for you anyway.)But Durvasula points out that it’s better than starting a relationship on a dishonest note which can—and will—come back to bite you in the ass.Someone from our community wrote me an email about when she should bring up a traumatic experience that she’s had in her life. She had some really rough times afterwards but is doing well now and recovering.D., a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Miami.“Definitely not on the first few dates because this is private information." But if you’re seeing each other often and are becoming serious, it’s time to speak up.People want to pretend like life is perfect and hide anything that could be considered bad, challenging, or disruptive to their perfectly fake lives. If he isn’t willing to talk about deep subjects or acts uncomfortable having them, something like rape will almost certainly freak him out.
There are studies to show that although we can now connect with a greater number of people than ever before with platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snap Chat, Linked In, etc we are actually losing some of our skills in face to face interaction.things are black and white, good and bad, acceptable and unacceptable.This perspective tells us that we should show off this perfect side of ourselves and hide any flaws that we have.Martinez says it’s important to keep this in mind: If the roles were reversed, when would you have wanted to be told? While that conversation may be awkward and nerve-wracking, licensed marriage and family therapist David Klow, owner of Skylight Counseling Center in Chicago, says honesty about your financial situation is crucial—especially if you’re thinking of building a life with someone.“People never like surprises in relationships,” he says. Durvasula suggests contextualizing it, like saying you lost a job at some point but still had bills to pay, explaining you were sick and didn’t have health insurance at the time, or letting him know you didn’t take your student loans seriously at first and racked up insane penalties.“But just saying you are ,000 in debt without context can feel confusing to the listener,” she says.“Pretending like your situation is one way and actually having it be another can cause way more harm than letting the other person know about your debt up front.”Klow points out that you might even be surprised by how the news is received since there’s a chance your S. Having a plan to pay off the debt—and sharing it—is also important, says Martinez, since it can help minimize worries your partner has about your joint financial future and your ability to be responsible with money.