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You try to speak to them but it never comes out right, it never comes out as the way that you think it should sound. They believe that they should just suck up the pain and work through it themselves At the beginning of the relationship, there is the honeymoon phase where so many chemicals are being released that many logical issues in character traits are not apparent.
The “I don’t need you or want you” mentality isolates you from your own feelings and those of others. The crux of it is that there is an inability to love – both to feel it and to give it.
It is only in the middle stages where the imperfections are seen that larger issues can begin to develop.
The wires are either put into another new relationship to prohibit the shock of pain and disconnection (in an unhealthy manner), or in remaining alone for a period of time, the brain continues to search for its lost object-the other half of your hormonal regulatory system.To assuage these feelings, an avoider can move from relationship to relationship feeling the initial emotional highs of “falling in love” to medicate their feelings of loneliness, depression, and isolation…. Once the relationship becomes more serious and as time goes on, the insecurities come out, and the avoider will want to leave based on all the issues that are coming up.The unfortunate issue is that the avoider will never experience the power and rewards of a steady and stable long-term relationship. They cannot trust others, who will only say “No” or hurt them. Beginning in childhood, the poisonous seed of the avoider mentality is planted: As a child cannot get their needs met when asking for them, or as they get rejected, they learn that they must rely on themselves alone to get what they desire.