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You have your values about sex, and your boyfriend has his.You need to accept what he’s saying at face value and given the evidence of his current behavior: that your relationship has meaning to him, that he is being faithful, that his friends-with-benefits situations with his friends were not Relationships no matter how you understand friends-with benefits, even if he’s had sex in both situations and gone to the movies in both situations.You don’t even actually know if they’d ever bone him again, if they’ll still be single (or single again) at some future point after which you two might have broken up, or what they think of you (other than, I assume, that you aren’t very friendly, unless you’re an Oscar-award winning actress).

And nothing he can say to you is going to make you feel secure about his friends or comforted about his personal morality when it comes to physical intimacy, because that sense of security is something you need to work out in your own head.

Opinionated, in which readers have questions about the pesky day-to-day choices we all face, and I give advice about how to make ones that (hopefully) best reflect our shared commitment to feminist values—as well as advice on what to do when they don’t.

I feel that sex is only valuable to me when I’m sharing it with someone I love and trust completely and I can’t enjoy it when I don’t feel that my heart is safe.

So what is the difference between a relationship with a friend and your relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend (aside from sex) that lets a boyfriend/girlfriend know that they have nothing to worry about?

How do you explain it to them or make sure they feel secure?

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