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Also, you “get” to be the forgiving spouse, and he is stuck being the one who “did you wrong.” That’s not a fun role to play no matter how deserved it might be. You are going to have to connect with each other on a deeper level and recognize that you are both suffering without focusing on laying blame for that suffering at his feet.
The impulse to lash out and hurt when we’ve been hurt is very human but ultimately not helpful if you want to reconnect.
How do I stop being so angry after my husband had an affair?
We are trying to work it out, but I can't let go of the anger and it seems to be pushing him away. All of this is very real and comes with legitimate emotional reactions.
The female friendship between Brie and Gilpin was the anchor of season one, and in season two it is explored even more painfully.
It reminds me of Ferrante’s brand of female friendship, one that is not afraid to explore the toxic and competitive tension between women, one that poses realistic yet difficult questions.
You say you don’t want to lose him, but something has been lost.
The relationship you had prior to the affair is lost. It is also OK (and I strongly recommend) that you get some help with all of this.
That is a lot to take on for a ten episode season, which results in aforementioned unevenness.Ultimately, that is because other people cannot make us feel a certain way—we have a part in choosing our own reactions. For example, are you telling yourself that his affair means he doesn’t love you or doesn’t love you enough? Having an open conversation with your husband about the time you need to work through your thoughts and feelings can be helpful.What we feel often comes from the meaning we make of an event. Are you dealing with fear that it will happen again? By uncovering those messages, you can look at the ones that are keeping you stuck in a place of anger and work to let those go. Letting him know what you need from him during that time can help engage him in the healing process and also start the two of you working toward becoming partners again.I want to hurt him like he hurt me, but I don't want to lose him. —Steamed Submit Your Own Question to a Therapist Feeling angry is an incredibly natural response to the feelings of betrayal that come from infidelity. Anger is a powerful emotion, and it can mask other feelings. Anger may feel like a safer way to manage your pain, but it will slow your healing.Admitting and confronting the pain behind the anger is essential, and it requires vulnerability—which is hard when you are dealing with this kind of breach of trust. I wonder, though, what it is you might need from your husband to help you with that healing.